9:04: Creepy
Bill wonders around the authority as someone calls out his name, saying “Bill…Bill…it
you suck me I will come.” Surprise, surprise,
it isn’t Shoeless
Joe Jackson, but Lilith instead, who is still doing her best impression of
the inside
of a strawberry jam doughnut (I continue to wonder if they don’t have
indoor plumbing in the vampire afterlife). She tells Bill that he is Anakin Skywalker and
must drink all of her remaining rape-whistle blood (see previous recap) in
order to be empowered to set
his people free. Bill, for no clear
reason, flees from her and the seemingly very thing he has wanted for the past
several episodes.
9:08: Nora
and Salome make-out…did I have any doubt that this was going to happen once
they got within six inches of each other?
No, I did not.
9:10: Bill
says to Jessica “do you think I am an idiot?” in reference to her attempt to
try to trick him into thinking she is willing to make Jason into a vampire. I hate to break it to Bill but all of America
thinks you are an idiot at this point, and it has nothing to do with this
subplot line.
9:12: Nora,
having finally come to the realization that everyone else in the Authority,
except Eric is bat shit crazy, goes to him to confess her sorrow over Godric as
well as her new found enlightenment regarding mainstreaming…they also get-in a
nice nooner, in what I can only deem as the clear front-runner for
Best-Way-To-Deal-With-Extreme-Emotional-Trauma-Over-The-Death-of-Your-Surrogate-Father.
9:14: Sookie discusses
the trouble she is having dealing with being sold to a vampire 300 years ago
and how it is “kind of strange.” I feel
like on a True Blood scale of strange this only ranks around a 3/10. Really, Sookie has been having a pretty low-key
couple of weeks.
9:19: General
Whoever visits the Authority underground and threatens the vampires with
footage of Russell and the Reverend devouring the frat boys form last week’s
episode. Eric strategically murders him
in order to get Nora and himself away from the clutches of the Authority, on
the obviously transparent excuse/mission of glamouring every human who has seen
the footage. I take a moment to think
about what would really happen if humans and vampires were on the verge of
war. Would humans try to institute a
Vampire Registration Act? Would I
support it? Would humans lose a lot of
lives early on but win in the end? Most
of these vampires don’t seem all that bright…I think we could take them.
9:22: Pam
explains to Tara about the religio-political nature of the vampire Authority
and Tara ask her if it’s “like the Vatican?”
I think this was a perfectly good waste of an opportunity for Tara to
say “like the Fangtican?”
9:24: Jessica
comes to Pam and Tara after having successfully escaping Bill’s security detail
and asks them to hide her from Bill/the Authority. I automatically think how cool a Pam/Tara/Jessica
Charlie’s
Angels inspired subplot line about a Sanguinista-fighting vampire gal pal
group would be, though I’m not holding my breath on that one. Being vampires, they probably aren’t either.
9:26: Eric and
Nora stake their captors. Hooray!
9:27: I
officially decide the Faerie elder is amazing based on the following three things
she says to Sookie: “Ke$ha: for or against?”; “that’s the reason that you slut
you heart out to every cute guy out there with fangs”; and “RUSSELL EDGINGTON
IS ALIVE? RUSSELL EDGINGTON IS ALIVE?”
9:33: Alcede
scolds his father for previously stealing money from his wolf pack and asks him
“whatever happened to pack first?” Round
one of this father-son guilt fest goes to shirtless Alcede, who definitely knows
all about putting the pack
first.
9:35: Sookie
and Jason discuss their plans to deal with Russell Edgington, and the audience gets
its first non-creepy use of the phrase “I love you” between a brother and
sister. Nora and Erica; Jamie and Cersei;
and Deb and Dexter, all look on disapprovingly.
9:42: Alcede,
clearly unconcerned by potential brain-cancer-inducing microwave waves, watches
soup warm as a group of vampires attack the outside of his father’s trailer
park paradise. The two finally get a
hallmark moment after Alcede’s father saves his life. I guess that advances their storyline, or
something.
9:43: More
Sam/Luna/Emma storyline that seems to have no real fit with the rest of the
show, but at least a lot of people are naked.
9:47: We find
out that - much like how religion and history have played out in the human
world - in the vampire world, god also has a knack for leading a variety of
different people to believe that they are chosen people. This results in Bill beheading another
Authority member who had the audacity to contradict Bill’s rightful place at
Lilith’s right hand. Bill has officially
lost it and frankly I wouldn't mind if they killed-off his character at this
point.
9:49: Jason
leads Russell and the Reverend to the Faerie night club, where they run around
like puppies chasing cars, until the Faerie elder comes out from the club’s
cloak of invisibility to confront Russell.
This does not go well, as Russell defeats the elder due mostly in part
to Jason’s failure-to-not-get-far-enough-away-from-Russell-after-being-let-go-leaving-him-easily-accessible-to-be-used-as-a-human-shield-moments-later. The Least Stupid Stackhouse Sibling Award
goes back to Sookie as the episode closes.
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