As seen in Philly

Please donate to the Jimmy Fund

WEEI Boston sports talk radio starts its annual two-day telethon in support of the Jimmy Fund.  The Jimmy Fund supports cancer research, but primarily funds children's cancer care and has been one of the most important caner support charities for the past 60 years.  It's a _really_ important charity and the only one to which I always annually donate.  Check it out here:

http://www.jimmyfund.org/

And if you have the time, give a listen to WEEI (link shown on the Jimmy Fund web page) to hear survivors and medical professionals talk about their experiences with the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber.

Donate as much or as little as you can.  Every bit helps.

True Blood Ep. 59 Running Diary/Recap

9:04:  Creepy Bill wonders around the authority as someone calls out his name, saying “Bill…Bill…it you suck me I will come.”  Surprise, surprise, it isn’t Shoeless Joe Jackson, but Lilith instead, who is still doing her best impression of the inside of a strawberry jam doughnut (I continue to wonder if they don’t have indoor plumbing in the vampire afterlife).  She tells Bill that he is Anakin Skywalker and must drink all of her remaining rape-whistle blood (see previous recap) in order to be empowered to set his people free.  Bill, for no clear reason, flees from her and the seemingly very thing he has wanted for the past several episodes.

9:08:  Nora and Salome make-out…did I have any doubt that this was going to happen once they got within six inches of each other?  No, I did not.

9:10:  Bill says to Jessica “do you think I am an idiot?” in reference to her attempt to try to trick him into thinking she is willing to make Jason into a vampire.  I hate to break it to Bill but all of America thinks you are an idiot at this point, and it has nothing to do with this subplot line.

9:12:  Nora, having finally come to the realization that everyone else in the Authority, except Eric is bat shit crazy, goes to him to confess her sorrow over Godric as well as her new found enlightenment regarding mainstreaming…they also get-in a nice nooner, in what I can only deem as the clear front-runner for Best-Way-To-Deal-With-Extreme-Emotional-Trauma-Over-The-Death-of-Your-Surrogate-Father.

9:14:  Sookie discusses the trouble she is having dealing with being sold to a vampire 300 years ago and how it is “kind of strange.”  I feel like on a True Blood scale of strange this only ranks around a 3/10.  Really, Sookie has been having a pretty low-key couple of weeks. 

9:19:  General Whoever visits the Authority underground and threatens the vampires with footage of Russell and the Reverend devouring the frat boys form last week’s episode.  Eric strategically murders him in order to get Nora and himself away from the clutches of the Authority, on the obviously transparent excuse/mission of glamouring every human who has seen the footage.  I take a moment to think about what would really happen if humans and vampires were on the verge of war.  Would humans try to institute a Vampire Registration Act?  Would I support it?  Would humans lose a lot of lives early on but win in the end?  Most of these vampires don’t seem all that bright…I think we could take them.

9:22:  Pam explains to Tara about the religio-political nature of the vampire Authority and Tara ask her if it’s “like the Vatican?”  I think this was a perfectly good waste of an opportunity for Tara to say “like the Fangtican?”

9:24:  Jessica comes to Pam and Tara after having successfully escaping Bill’s security detail and asks them to hide her from Bill/the Authority.  I automatically think how cool a Pam/Tara/Jessica Charlie’s Angels inspired subplot line about a Sanguinista-fighting vampire gal pal group would be, though I’m not holding my breath on that one.  Being vampires, they probably aren’t either.   

9:26:  Eric and Nora stake their captors.  Hooray!

9:27:  I officially decide the Faerie elder is amazing based on the following three things she says to Sookie: “Ke$ha: for or against?”; “that’s the reason that you slut you heart out to every cute guy out there with fangs”; and “RUSSELL EDGINGTON IS ALIVE?  RUSSELL EDGINGTON IS ALIVE?”

9:33:  Alcede scolds his father for previously stealing money from his wolf pack and asks him “whatever happened to pack first?”  Round one of this father-son guilt fest goes to shirtless Alcede, who definitely knows all about putting the pack first.

9:35:  Sookie and Jason discuss their plans to deal with Russell Edgington, and the audience gets its first non-creepy use of the phrase “I love you” between a brother and sister.  Nora and Erica; Jamie and Cersei; and Deb and Dexter, all look on disapprovingly.

9:42:  Alcede, clearly unconcerned by potential brain-cancer-inducing microwave waves, watches soup warm as a group of vampires attack the outside of his father’s trailer park paradise.  The two finally get a hallmark moment after Alcede’s father saves his life.  I guess that advances their storyline, or something.

9:43:  More Sam/Luna/Emma storyline that seems to have no real fit with the rest of the show, but at least a lot of people are naked.

9:47:  We find out that - much like how religion and history have played out in the human world - in the vampire world, god also has a knack for leading a variety of different people to believe that they are chosen people.  This results in Bill beheading another Authority member who had the audacity to contradict Bill’s rightful place at Lilith’s right hand.  Bill has officially lost it and frankly I wouldn't mind if they killed-off his character at this point.

9:49:  Jason leads Russell and the Reverend to the Faerie night club, where they run around like puppies chasing cars, until the Faerie elder comes out from the club’s cloak of invisibility to confront Russell.  This does not go well, as Russell defeats the elder due mostly in part to Jason’s failure-to-not-get-far-enough-away-from-Russell-after-being-let-go-leaving-him-easily-accessible-to-be-used-as-a-human-shield-moments-later.  The Least Stupid Stackhouse Sibling Award goes back to Sookie as the episode closes.

Christmas in August

I took these a while ago (over Christmas in AZ) and I really like the feel of it.  It's so weird to see Christmas lights in AZ, but they really go crazy out there with decoration.  Maybe it is because so many people are East Coast transplants who wanted to escape the the snow but maybe not all of the traditions.  Anyway, here is a little Christmas in August.

True Blood Ep. 58

Going, Going, Gone [to Alaska…and Beyond!]

From Jump, Crisis, Part Trois: All five True Blood plants are now destroyed. Seriously, we only built five of these things?

1:00, Takeout Time: With Bill and Eric under lockdown, it looks like this is as close to eating chinese as Sookie is going to get for a while.

1:30, Don't Bring a Gun to a Chopstick Fight: Sookie ices your friendly, neighborhood coroner with her takeout utensils after she inexplicably say yes to his [completely unsuspicious] request to enter her domicile during a period in which murder-by-vampire has increased by 50%. He tells her he’s come “about the body.” She then asks “what body?,” to which he responds “yours,” and proceeds to bite her. He should have said he’s come to ask “about her character arc,” and when she inevitably replies “what character arc?,” he could have said “exactly.”

3:50, In that case, allow me to say: FUCK ALL OF YOU. By my count, Molly is the only vampire at the Authority who hasn’t actually fucked everyone else at the Authority. Her devotion to rationality and abstinence likely stem from her prior involvements with Mormon and FBI institutions. I’ll be sad to see Molly go, but at least she got to go out Madonna style…

Also, does Russell Edgington seem more, or less, like the kind of vamp who would mind wearing something that resulted in a little nipple chaffing? (Choose your own adventure kids!).

5:50, What are you in the mood for?: I was thinking Greek. It is and isn’t what you think. More to come on - or maybe cum on (it is True Blood) - this later.

6:20, That cheeto-haired tramp: Hoyt and his mom discuss his moving out-of the house and to an oil-drilling job in Alaska, wherein she delivers what has to make the top five list of Hoyt’s-mom’s-all-time-best-insults regarding Jessica. Is there a top five list of Hoyt’s-mom’s-all-time-best-insults regarding anything? No, probably not. At least she didn’t have to sell half her doll collection for a bed she disapproves of.

7:12, Well fuck me he can count past five: Says Pam regarding new sheriff Marilyn Manson’s…err, Chris Angel’s…err, Elijah’s ability to count Fangtasia’s nightly haul. Frankly I’m more impressed by the fact that Tara can count that high given the Gus Fringe-inspired head trauma she experienced at the end of season four. Pam must have enrolled her in Fang Start.

They then discuss the installation of Blockbuster video booths in the bar, but Pam prefers to do things the old fashioned way.

9:25, Help Police!: Is it me or does the Lilith’s Blood/Container combo remind you more and more of something your great-grandmother might have taken-back-the-night with?

In other news, Bill and Nora can only keep Eric around for so long, but they can give him more of Lillith’s blood in an attempt to “save his soul” (in the True Blood universe, have all the vampires been cursed by gypsies?). Bill forces Lilith’s blood down Eric’s throat and Nora also takes a drop for herself (these guys sure know how to deplete a millennia-old, irreplaceable pint of sacred blood) in order that they might share a vision of Lilith. It turns out to be a touching reunion between a son, a daughter, a father and a throat-gorging decapitation…so that seems pretty much worth it.

13:25, 3,000age Dream: Russell and Newlin re-define the meaning of “It’s all Greek to me” as they slow dance to Katy Perry and discuss the merits of going solar. Meanwhile, it’s all death to the members of the Greek fraternity they're in, whose bodies lie scattered about dance room floor.

14:35, Lafayette’s Outfit: L!

16:25, We’ll live in the wind: Pam and Tara discuss the Authority’s new directive that 30 new “vampire babies” be created in Area 5 by the end of the year, or the Authority will take Pam’s property and progeny. Tara suggests naming their first two Draven and Layre. Pam - as should come to no one’s particular surprise - is totally cool with obeying orders handed down to her by a shady bureaucratic entity.

17:07, Glamorama: We found it folks - the first well-written, well-acted, emotionally compelling scene in True Blood series history. Ha-zah!

In this scene, between Hoyt, Jason, and Jessica, Hoyt lets his former best-friend and former love know he is moving to Alaska. And he doesn’t want a North Face parka for a going-away present. Instead, he wants Jessica to glamor away all memory of both herself and Jason - as he can no longer stand to constantly stew over the failed relationships with and intimacies between the two of them. He wishes for a truly new start and Jessica gives it to him promising that if he closes his eyes, counts to ten, and then opens them he will no longer remember either. They leave as he counts to ten (Jason welling-up and Jessica choking back [presumably] blood tears); when Hoyt finishes the count he calls for a waitress and a beer.

23:55, Sherlock Stackhouse: This episode of True Blood takes us once again on the ever revolving-door-ride of “Who is the Least Stupid Stackhouse Sibling?” This week’s winner: Jason. The week’s loser: every other Stackhouse relative in this wild, fictional world who asks themselves if this is finally the week to change their last name to Stouse.

In episode 7 of this season Sookie got a message from her Grams through “I ain’t gmail for dead bitches” Reynolds, telling her to “look under the bed” for information related to her parents’ murders. Sookie, being Sookie (or is that too intelligence-insulting a phrase even for her), only looks in a box under her bed. Jason has the keen idea to actually “look under the bed” - i.e. the mattress, the bed board, and the floor boards beneath the bed. Eureka - a strangely written document is found.

25:40, No One Cares: Sam and Luna continue to search for the location where Newlin is keeping Emma. I continue to not care.

27:40, Do Laugh - This Does Happen: The writers of True Blood continue to have no interest in writing dialogue that does not directly conflict with easily checked FACTS.

29:00, Sobotka Eats; LaFayette Wears a Different Headscarf: And scene!

30:35, As your maker I command you: Bill sends for Jessica to come spend some time at Camp Authorityland.

31:30, We Don't Have No Stinken' Secret Vampire Government: Wink, wink.  See how clever and meta we True Blood writers can be? Oh wait, we wrote that dialogue at 27:40? Fuck.

33:00, And the Sansa Stark Gullibility Award Goes To: Anyone on the Authority who believed Eric’s speech regarding his new found love of Lilith. Runner-up goes to anyone who saw through Eric but failed to notice Nora’s very concerned there-is-no-way-I-believe-this face.

34:32, Two Boring Mice: Sam and Luna turn into mice and basically continue to accomplish nothing.

35:20, What Seems to Be the Problem Officer?: Oh, just the fact that I screwed your lady and ruined our friendship causing you to take an eraser pad to your mind. Have a good trip bro.

37:50, Vacation Lilith School:  Bill expands upon his ability to combine creepy energy with uninteresting dialogue to explore new and wondrous achievements in least-interesting-supposedly-main-character-status.

40:25, I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no baby vampires: But Sherman is coming to burn Atlanta Tara (oh sweet double sarcastic shlock), and Miss Melanie needs you! And Elijah needs you too…to pretend that you killed a drifter and then chop his head off while he’s distracted by a silver blade through his shoulder. NO ONE FUCKS WITH US IN OUR HOUSE!

No one owns any clothes made post 1989 there either.

42:05, Two Briefcase-Escaping Mice: Sam and Luna escape Newlin’s briefcase only to do probably nothing much in the Authority’s lair.

42:25, Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows: Russell Edgington is generally proficient in _not_ sounding like someone who has a Southern drawl. In this episode he shows us that he is also _not_ proficient at imitating an ancient Celtic accent. But he does make up for it. He debuts his ability to mismatch these jarringly incorrect accents between sentences, and even in between words, during the course of a lovely tirade that caps off the Authority storyline for this episode.

In this tirade, Russell finally lets the council know that he doesn’t care about their dumb, jam-covered goddess. He has pretty much just wanted to eat humans with impunity from the beginning, but needed to hide behind the sanguinista movement until it was too late for progressive vampires or humans to stop the vampire tide of picking-up MacHumans in the drive-through lane. This comes as a surprise to _not_the_audience_. Yet, as Russell jets off to find a faery-blood aquifer of his very own, the remaining Authority members stand around looking confused and fang-fallen. #DEJECTED

44:55, Warlow: Apparently he owns Sookie. Oh good, that means she’ll have someone to eat chinese with again soon.